IOWA CITY, IA—University of Iowa neuroscientists studying spatial learning and the effects of stress on memory announced Tuesday that a little son-of-a-bitch mouse ruined an experiment on cognitive performance by effortlessly navigating a maze that researchers spent nearly a year designing and constructing.
The test subject, a common house mouse, briskly traversed the complicated wooden maze in under 30 seconds. According to researchers, the fucking bastard never even broke his stride during the first trial, always selecting the correct route while consistently avoiding blind dead-end alleys.
"It is regrettable to spend such a tremendous amount of money studying mammalian neuropathways, only to have some hotshot mouse ruin everything," Eng said. "However, we have compiled substantial data on this species's ability to breeze right in and destroy an entire postdoctoral legacy."
Despite attempts to condition the mouse by screaming directly into its face, the researchers reported that the subject smugly completed the task with ease. A videotape of the mouse pausing during the final run has been subjected to a thorough review by the lab in order to determine if one of the maze's obstacles managed to momentarily confuse the mouse or if the test subject was, in fact, gloating.
Pinky and the Brain are two laboratory mice living at Acme Labs whose genes have been spliced. The Brain is a genius (who sounds like Orson Welles), whereas Pinky is quite insane. They make nightly attempts to take over the world. Their twilight campaign is easy to explain: Each week sees Brain come up with a new plan for the two (led by him) to take over the world, which ultimately ends in failure. This series was produced by Steven Spielberg and Warner Bros. Animation, and aired from 1995 to 1998 on The WB Television Network, running for 65 episodes.
The cartoon's famous tagline is: "Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!"
The series won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Special Class - Animated Program in 1999.
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